


"What the fuck are you doing?"

by Sisusen



Category: One Direction (Band)
Genre: Bruises, First Kiss, Fluff, Louis likes to handle his lovers rough but hates that he loves i, M/M, Nervousness, Pain, The X Factor Era, X-Factor, harry finds out that he likes a teeny tiny bit of pain
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-19
Updated: 2013-12-26
Packaged: 2018-01-05 05:07:41
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 9,907
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1089957
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sisusen/pseuds/Sisusen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>It's the beginning of the X-factor. Harry and Louis are living together. Them and the other three guys are hanging out, like all the time, having their time of their life (wich besides being a boyband in a contest, is spending time with each other, watching tv and eating pizza).</p><p>Harry thought he liked girls, but now he knows he likes boys. And he's kinda terrified. Because he knows he likes his best friend. And that kinda sucks.</p><p>Updated summary: Pain is nice.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This is my very first Larry-fic. Well, it's my very first fic at all actually. My other work though, chose to step on this work and put it behind. But here it is, in all it's cuteness

Movie night was over, the other lads got up from the sofa and left the empty soda bottles and half-empty crisp bags on the kitchen counter. Louis and Harry said good night from the sofa they were still in, too tired to accompany their friends to the door for a proper goodbye.

It wasn't the first time they had had movie night at Louis and Harry's, and they all knew each other too well to feel ignored just because one got to see himself at the door. The situation was way past all kinds of courtesy gestures, they knew each other inside and out by now, and a dull "goodbye" still tucked under a thick blanket in front of the TV was not at all surprising.

Zayn, Niall and Liam lived in their own apartments while Louis and Harry lived together. The two had become very close friends, had felt an instant connection the minute they met, and there was not a chance in the world that they would not share a place during the X-factor, it was as natural as the other three wanted their freedom sometimes and enjoyed it by living alone. No one thought it was strange, everyone saw the intimate friendship between the two boys. Harry, the curly charm with dimples deep as the Mediterranean, the youngest of them all with his 16 years, and Louis, the so often sarcastic 19-year-old who could drive people crazy with his whims and jokes but who had a heart of gold.

They had their own rooms, their own beds in the small apartment, but usually ended up sneaking in to each other to fall asleep together. Most nights, they made honest attempts to stay in their own rooms, but as the weeks passed, more and more evenings ended with a knock on a door which opens ajar, and a whisper; 'Hey... are you sleeping? Can I come in?' Always the other one is lying awake, waiting for the knock, always the one standing by the door is welcomed in, literally with open arms, to crawl in under a warm blanket to drift into a soothing sleep.

Harry thought it was quite wonderful to fall asleep close to Louis every night. It had gone so quickly from their first meeting that he now regarded Louis as his best friend, and it was somehow nice that he seemed to feel the exact same thing for Harry. However, Harry had this tiny little nagging feeling in the back of his mind... He tried to actively push it away, but lately it had begun to take up more space in his consciousness.

It was a thought that was very ambivalent. On one hand it was a tingly, happy feeling that caused him to smile for no reason sometimes and made him walk on clouds.. On the other hand, it was a sad and frustrating feeling, that periodically made him wrinkle his eyebrows and wonder, "Why me, why now?"

Harry was with his green eyes and dimples many girls' favourite. His cheerful manner and natural charm made the screaming and starry fans fall for him, one be one, more and more after each episode of the contest they were in. The newspapers began to write more and more about the group, and in almost every article it said that Harry was the one who would crush the hearts of many, he was the one that many girls were dreaming about, the one who could pick and choose among all the screaming girls with hearts on fire.

It was just that he had no interest in them. It was something that he recently had begun to realize. Maybe he was interested in some people of the opposite sex, maybe those who would be extra smart and funny and mature... but otherwise. No. Otherwise he had to admit to himself that it was people of same sex he was interested in.

Sometimes he tried the fact out, quietly, in his head. "I like guys.", "I might be bisexual.", "I think I'm gay."

It was a strange feeling, admitting it to himself, and at the same time it was a very natural feeling. He was still equally amazed and frightened by his insight, so it came as a very unpleasant surprise when he realized that he was already interested in a particular boy.

He remembers the exact moment. It was an early morning, his alarm clock went off already at 04 in the morning, the boys had a busy day of rehearsal for tonight's show and a lot of interviews before that. He had turned off his alarm, put an elbow in Louis' side and sent him out into the kitchen to make tea, just to turn around and go back to sleep.

He had woken up 25 minutes later with Louis bent over him, whispering, "Harry... Harry, wake up. You need to wake up, we'll have to leave in about 10 minutes. You have to get up."

Harry had turned his cheek against Louis touch and enjoyed the homely feel of his warmth against his skin. A wave of something that can not be described otherwise than total love ran through his body and he savoured the moment. Just as he would smilingly grab Louis's hand and kiss it good morning he froze, eyes opened wide, the newly awakened smile disappeared. The warm, fluffy feeling of love was changed in a moment, to a feeling that everything in his body just turned to ice. He stopped in his movements, stared at Louis and instantly pulled away from his hand.

Louis' warm smile disappeared as quickly and he said with a surprised and concerned face "What's wrong? Why are you staring at me like that? Did you have a nightmare?"

Harry didn't know what to say. For the first, but certainly not the last, time he cursed his feelings, and spat out something that would resemble a reply, "No, yes, no, it's... No. Not nightmare. Uh. You go out, I'll be ready in a second."

As soon as Louis had left Harry's room, after carefully closing the door behind him, Harry pulled the covers over his head and let his thoughts wander freely. He tried to sort them, with no luck. He couldn't believe it! What had happened?! What had happened from yesterday when he saw Louis as his best friend, like a young man to look up to, as a person who always made him laugh, a guy who never said no to a hug or to fall asleep close to Harry? When did Harry start seeing him as someone to be with, someone to kiss, someone to do intimate things with, someone to... being in love with...?

He wanted to beat this particular start of a crush out of his head, wanted to get everything to return to normal, but it was difficult. He wanted those goofy pinches on the bum, and cuddly movie nights under the same blanket on the couch to remain on friend level. No way he wanted to be in love with his best friend. Never!

 

...

 

"So," Louis said, turning to Harry. "What do we do now? Are you tired? Are we going to sleep?".

Harry sat on the sofa with his right foot propped on the coffee table, left leg resting beside Louis. They had a spacious corner sofa that took up almost all the space in their living room. They had bought it just a few days after they had moved into the apartment. The moment the man from the furniture store had risen from their floor with a screwdriver in his hand, saying "There you go! Now you can take a seat! ", Louis had rushed past him to throw himself into the soft corner of the sofa, screaming "Dibs on the corner! Now the corner is always mine!". And it was. It was always he who sat or lay in the corner, that was just natural for everyone. Even when all the guys except him was there, all the soft pillows they had in the sofa for decoration were somehow piled up and no one sat there, it was as if they built a tiny extra-Louis of pillows to take his empty place in the corner instead.

Yes, the corner was Louis'. And now there he was, lazy sprawled out on the cushions, peering up at Harry, head turned almost a half turn backwards like a little clever owl looking at him. Harry felt a tingle to his stomach. Fucking feelings! Fucking Louis, did he have to be so damn cute?

Harry growled inwardly, made the same futile attempts to push aside his feelings as so many times before during the recent months.

It didn't work.

His heart galloped wildly in his chest, butterflies fluttered in his stomach and it was a buzzing in his head when he saw Louis alert eyes watching him. In the very beginning, right after that shocking morning when he had backed away from Louis' touch, he thought he was getting sick. Coming down with a cold or something, with fever. He really crappy. Then he realized, when the snotty nose or blaring cough never came over him, that he was probably just deeply in love. And he hated every second of it. He felt silly, vulnerable. As if he was a little kid who was in love with the coolest girl in school. Or well... guy. Clearly the coolest guy. Harry rolled his eyes inwardly.

He inhaled through his nose, held his breath for a second and then let the air out with a sigh and said, "Nah. I'm not that tired. You wanna keep watching tv?". He felt a little proud of how neutral he managed to sound, even though all he wanted to do was to remain in the sofa with Louis for the rest of his life and inwardly rejoiced that Louis didn't want to go to sleep right away. He looked at Louis while he spoke, then nodded toward the tv. "Some other movie?".

Louis nodded and got up. They had a big pile of movies all five of them had bought in on a discount department store, a few movies that were new and none of them had seen, and others who were favourites they'd had as a child, that they wanted to show each other. Louis opted for a while and then picked up "Sleepless in Seattle". He held it up to Harry as if he would present a nice bottle of wine. He assumed the role of snobby waiter and explained with a matching dialect "This, sir, is the house's finest film. Stored since..." Louis looked quickly at the back of the case "...since 1993, and it is very popular with its perfect balance between romance and comedy."

Harry giggled delighted and nodded while he tried to be as serious as Louis. "That sounds excellent." he said, "Could one possibly get a taste, just to see that it will satisfy me?" he said with an equally snobbish accent, but unable to keep the same grave face as Louis. His eyes sparkled and a bubbling laughter was not far away while he spoke.

Louis bowed and said, "But of course." before opening the case and taking out the dvd. When he turned around to put it in the player, Harry couldn't help but watch his bum in the blue pajama pants he was wearing.

Louis had the most amazing ass Harry had ever seen on a guy. Most guys, including himself, really had asses who didn't look like much. They just sat there, like a little connection between the lower back and the thighs. Didn't do much to anyone. Tried to fill out the pants one put on, but usually didn't fit as good as you would like. A small flat butt, nothing more, nothing less.

 

But Louis... Harry was sure he could think of Louis bum for hours if he got the chance. There were no words to describe it, other than that it was something that could hypnotize Harry and get him to have to bite his lip to prevent himself to stretch out a hand and stroke it.

He had such an urge to some day let his hands get free reign on that fabulous body part.


	2. Chapter 2

The movie had been playing for about 20 minutes and the two boys had their eyes concentrated on the tv. Body contact was not unusual among any of the band members, they were often hugging and often sat close together in the sofa. So when Louis coaxed out his hand from under his bed cover, and let it slip in under Harry's to let a couple of fingers rest against his jogger-clad knee, Harry tried to act like it was no big deal, but within him, his blood were rushing. He had to really work hard to keep his breathing steady, he had developed that sort of self-control into an great skill lately, he really tried to act as normal as possible.

He partly cursed Louis and his fingers because he couldn't follow the movie with the same empathy anymore, and he partly enjoyed and desired that Louis would touch him more. His eyes were more and more often leaving the screen of the tv, to instead rest to enjoy the pretty view of Louis. He seemed completely absorbed to the movie and Harry quickly moved his eyes to register what scene it was, just to keep up, and then let his gaze slide back to his friend. He saw the back of Louis' head and the top side of his face, there was no risk that he'd notice he was being watched, which allowed Harry to really observe every little detail of him. Louis was so beautiful, his whole revelation deserved many hours of dedicated viewing to really note everything. Harry's breathing hitched a bit and he again made an effort to behave normal.

His effort fell flat to the ground when Louis scooted up a bit to sit a little more comfortable, and with the movement, his hand slipped up a bit. Now it wasn't just the fingers that touched Harry, and it wasn't just on the knee. It was all fingers and the whole palm of his hand, resting against Harry's thigh, just above the knee.

Harry swallowed. He had the hardest time knowing what to do to not behave weird. This situation wasn't unusual. It wasn't uncommon at all, to let one hand or two rest on someone else's body. They were five young guys who spent a long time away from their families, away from all their family members hugs and kisses, they needed each other's body contact and took it and allowed it and no one ever thought it was strange.

Except for now. Everything felt strange, nothing was natural anymore, when it came to physical contact between Harry and Louis. Any type of contact Louis gave Harry got him either to stop breathing or to start breathing faster. There was no middle ground. His seemingly normal breathing was the result of good will and a fear that his friend would discover that things had changed for Harry.

He tried to follow the movie, he didn't want to sit like a fool not having a clue what it was about when it was over and Louis wanted to talk about what they had just seen. He put his whole soul into behaving normally, watching the movie with his best friend. His heart pounded hard and he felt a little dizzy. Maybe he was coming down with something, for real this time. But then again, no. Probably not. It was probably just this damn crush that demanded to be felt, insisted on attention. There weren't many moments those feelings could keep silent and hidden, and that made Harry exhausted. Soon he wouldn't be able to suppress all his emotions. He closed his eyes and tried to collect himself.

At the same moment he felt Louis hand slipping up a little further. Harry thought his heart would stop beating. What was Louis doing? He was on the point of asking, but didn't think his voice would carry if he tried. In the midst of his confusion he felt in horror how his penis begun to come to life as a reaction to the touch. He had been too nervous to think along such lines so far and it had obediently stayed down without living its own life, but apparently there was a change on that now. Harry was terrified that Louis would notice, so he pretended that it was now his turn to sit up more comfortably, so that he could move away a little bit. Louis hand again ended up on Harry's knee, and he didn't quite reach to place his whole hand there, so it was like from the beginning, only a few fingers brushing against Harry.

Louis turned his head and watched Harry searchingly. Harry looked back. Neither of them said anything. Harry wanted to look away, keep watch on the tv but their eyes were locked to each other. Then suddenly, in one smooth motion, Louis moved up against Harry so they came closer again, his hand slipped up again at Harry's thigh and Louis turned his gaze to the TV again, completely unaffected.

Harry sat stiff as a board. What on earth just happened? His breathing hitched and his heart was about to jump out of his chest. He tried to sort his thoughts, sort the order of what had just happened; he had moved away, Louis' hand had almost disappeared from his leg, whereupon he moved after and even moved his hand up again?! Harry didn't dare to believe it was deliberate. It couldn't be. Deep down, Harry with all his heart hoped that Louis' touches was totally deliberate, but no, it couldn't be so. Most likely it was just Harry's 16-year-old heart, and possibly other body parts that... that played a trick on him. An evil trick.

Now all hope of trying to watch the movie and keep up with the story vanished. All concentration had to go wholeheartedly to refrain himself from moving up the warm hand on his thigh and trying to keep his intense feelings in order, so Louis wouldn't accidentally notice that he caused a throbbing erection on his best friend.

Harry glanced at Louis. He thought his breathing was a bit shallow. A little less calm and relaxed than before. Probably only a result of Harry's imagination but somehow he liked to think that perhaps there was a fragment of similar feelings at Louis as at Harry. He knew there was much to hope for, and yet he hoped so. He took a deep breath, a vain attempt to calm his emotions. He thought he had the situation under control again. He had no idea what was going on, he felt extremely nervous, but he just sat still. Trying to seem interested in the movie. Was 100% aware of Louis hand on his thigh the whole time.

Louis had hitherto let his hand lie completely still on Harry, but now his thumb gently started moving. Back and forth, very lightly, caressing him. This is nothing, Harry thought. This is on a friendly level. He likes me, I like him. We like hanging out together. Nothing strange going on here.

Harry glanced at Louis again. He had his eyes closed, just a tiny bit longer than what can be considered a normal blink. He took a deep breath, tried to do it silent and discrete, but Harry noticed. He noticed everything Louis did. Every cell in his body recorded everything that happened to Louis, everything that happened to himself. Nothing about what Louis ever was doing went by without Harry sensing it.

Suddenly there was a quick knock on the door and it was flung open. Harry and Louis heads turned instantly towards the door to the left of the TV and they saw Liam stepping into the room. "Hey guys, I must've forgotten my cell phone here, I just can't seem to find it, I thought I had taken it with me when I left but now... I have... searched and... searched... " Liam spoke a little slower for each word until he went completely silent and stopped in the search for his phone. He stood still in the middle of the room, looking at Harry and Louis. He had a confused look on his face. "Um... Did I interrupt something...? I... just came here to find..." he started to explain again, but the words died out.

Liam took a couple of steps to the end of the sofa where he had been seated earlier that evening, and saw his cell. He bent down, picked it up and stood up straight again. "Well..." he said, absentminded flicking the mute button. "I... What are you doing?" he asked, confused.

Liam saw his two friends lie in the couch, like so many times before. They had their covers on, as they always had. A film was playing on the tv, as so often before. Still, there was something different about the whole situation. There was a special atmosphere in the room that Liam couldn't put his finger on. There was an tension in the air and he didn't know what it could be. At first he was worried, was something wrong? His instinct, however, said that it was time to leave the room, but his troubled side wanted to stay and delve deeper into what he felt.

He stood in the middle of the room, Harry and Louis looked at him. None of the two said a word. Neither did Liam.

Louis cleared his throat. Harry heard that he probably didn't need it, but it was more a way to try to fill the silence. Harry looked down at the pattern in the cover he had over him. Thin blue stripes in different shades that formed squares. He looked up again when Liam spoke. "I'll go back home then. Uh. Take care?" he murmured, with an obvious question mark at the end. It was clear that he was just as confused about the mood in the room as Harry felt himself before the whole situation.

The tension eased a bit when the door slammed shut. Louis got up from the sofa to lock the door after Liam. When he crawled under his covers again, he placed his hand where it had just left Harry's thigh. He easily found his way back there again, he just put his hand in the warm imprint he had formed. The movie continued to roll during Liam's short visit and slowly they both went back to watching it. Louis thumb began to make small circles that burned through Harry's pajama pants. Harry wanted to let his eyelids fall close from the pleasure he felt, but he forced himself to behave normally. Watch the movie, don't act strange now, he instructed himself.

A little while later, Louis moved up his hand. Just a little bit. If Harry hadn't been so desperately attentive to everything Louis did, he could easily have mistaken the movement for just wanting to adjust the arm's position a little. But Harry had trouble keeping his breathing steady again, and with a voice more husky than he had expected, he questioned, "What the fuck are you doing?". He added the f-word to try to sound as cool and unconcerned as possible. He assumed that it sounded just as nervous and anxious as he felt. Fail.

Louis turned to Harry to look at him again. An ever so slight smile brushed over his lips and Harry couldn't tell if it was a reassuring smile or a contented one. Louis could without hesitation offer both, he was as caring and considerate as he could easily affect people with his sole presence.

He didn't answer the question, just kept moving his thumb. Slowly, slowly, he began to also put gentle pressure with his fingertips against Harry's thigh. Harry felt dizzy.

Louis moved his warm hand even a little higher. His fingers were just a few inches from Harry's crotch, where his pants tightened way too much and Harry couldn't believe that he was really experiencing this. He didn't dare to believe that Louis did something that Harry had dreamed about for many months. He had to ask again. He couldn't find the strength to act cool again, so he just stuttered "What... what are you doing? Lou?'

Louis' hand stopped moving and he turned to Harry and asked, "Do you want me to stop?"

Harry swallowed. What was actually happening here? Was this a dream? Is Louis really doing this on purpose? Touching him in this way, that is so far from any laddy lad kind of way? He looked down at the blue lines on the cover again. Didn't dare to look at his friend, he was afraid that the dam he had within him would burst and it would end with him to throw himself on Louis, kiss him, touch him, and not be able to stop.

Now it was his turn to clear his throat. Although he didn't need it.

Still with his eyes down on his cover he murmured, "No... I don't want... " He took a deep breath and looked up "... you to stop. " Harry's voice was barely to be heard. He put more power behind his words and said, "Don't stop." He shook his head and looked at his friend with a steady gaze. "No. I don't want you to stop." He let out a shaky breath, as if the words he had given Louis was the hardest task he had ever done, putting them together into a sentence.

Louis looked at the boy in front of him, who looked back with eyes as a damn baby deer. His heart welled over with emotion and he couldn't repress a smile. Immediately he became embarrassed, and looked down.

"Good." he said. He didn't know what to do with all his feelings, all he instinctively felt that he wanted to do. He couldn't let go completely, just because Harry had asked him not to stop touching his thigh.

Louis turned to Harry, sat facing him now, kneeling. Harry sat still, watching his every move. Careful, Louis was afraid to scare Harry away, he scooted the thick cover next to him to the side, so that Harry's leg became visible. Just the sight of the gray fabric of his pants got Louis to almost stop breathing. Gently he laid his two hands against Harry's legs. He had no idea what he would do now.

He knew what he wanted to do, but he didn't dare. He dared not show Harry how much he liked him. He hated to feel so insecure, but it was a feeling he had been forced to get used to since Harry came into his life. He cautiously looked up at Harry again. The pretty boy opposite him still had the deer gaze and Louis was forced to laugh and admit "I don't know what to do now. I don't know... I just..."

Harry interrupted him by blurting out "Kiss me!", then putting both hands to his mouth, eyes widened with horror! Louis saw the panic in his friend's eyes, but felt laughter bubble up inside him. This amazing boy, who doesn't seem to understand how much emotion he stirs up in Louis. He leaned toward Harry and gently put his hands on his wrists, pulling his hands down until they rested on top of the covers.

"Can I?" asked Louis and smiled.

Still with a terrified look, Harry nodded slowly and didn't dare to even blink while Louis slowly leaned forward and placed a light kiss against Harry's lips. Then leaned back again, watching Harry with a curious face. His countenance had softened somewhat and Louis seemed to see the familiar sparkle in his eyes find its way back. He smiled at his friend, before he leaned forward again and repeated the action, and this time he felt a response from Harry, it wasn't much, but he felt it! He smiled with his lips pressed against Harry's and their kiss was broken and they were seated with their foreheads against each other.

"I think my heart will jump out of my chest soon..." Harry mumbled.

Louis felt butterflies in his stomach. He lifted his hand and placed it against Harry's cheek. Gently he moved his thumb over the smooth skin.

"I think..." he began to say "...I think... that I know how you feel. Are you nervous?" he asked.

"Like hell..." Harry answered.

Louis smiled. He had figured Harry's way of trying to hide insecurity a long time ago. This was clearly one of those moments. He wanted Harry to understand that he was not alone, that Louis felt just as nervous. He hoped that his hand to his cheek would calm him down a little.

"Can I kiss you again?" he said softly.

Harry hummed in response and Louis again let his lips meet Harry's. This time, he gave the response that Louis had been waiting for. Now it was Louis' turn to think that his heart would jump out of his chest. It was fluttering as hummingbird wings inside his chest and he tried his best to let the kisses stay steady and controlled, but it was harder than he thought. He was glad they sat as far apart as they did, he didn't want Harry to notice that he was already hard, but suddenly Harry put his arms around Louis and pulled him over himself. They both fell down on the sofa, Louis landed heavily on Harry and their teeth smashed together with a bang. Louis was a little embarrassed when he realized Harry probably very well felt him against his thigh, but when he reflexively pressed himself against Harry, he could clearly feel that he was just as hard, and he had to close his eyes for a second to not let a groan slip out between his lips.

They let their lips meet again and continued kissing. Harry greedily embraced Louis with both arms and legs and met Louis hips with his. Louis hardly dared to wrap his head around what was happening. He would never had imagined this just a day ago. Hoped for, dreamed about, fantasized about, yes. But never imagined!

They kissed for a long time, Louis rubbed frustrated against Harry and their kisses became more and more intense. Harry's hips met Louis' again and again and Louis felt that it really was time to calm down. He broke the kiss and threw himself on his back, lying next to Harry. With breaths that slowly calmed down, he looked up at the ceiling and tried to collect himself.

"Maybe we should go to sleep..." Harry suggested, It's almost two o' clock in the morning."

Louis nodded. "It's probably a good idea."

In silence they got up from the sofa and got ready for the night, side by side. Sometimes they gazed at each other but as soon as the other saw it, they looked away, tried not to smile.

"My room?" Louis said, looking at Harry. It just felt silly to go to two different rooms now.

Harry nodded and they got under Louis cover together and fell asleep cuddled up close.


	3. Chapter 3

Louis had a terrible mood in the morning. Harry had gradually learned that before 10 a.m. there was no idea to even think about talking to Louis. In the beginning, he actually had find himself feeling hurt of how he had been rebuffed whenever he tried to chat during breakfast, Louis could be really bitchy when he was newly awake. Harry never said anything, but Louis finally noticed that there was something that bothered the otherwise so happy friend.

"Oh, it's nothing... Or... Oh... it's just that... you're a bit cranky in the morning..." had Harry tried to explain, not wanting to complain. 

Louis had looked aghast and then threw himself around the neck of his friend and asked a thousand times of forgiveness. "I'm so sorry, oh sorry sorry sorry, I haven't thought of warning you, everything has just gone so quickly, my family knows how I am, no one talks to me in the morning anymore, I swear I'm not even aware of the things I blurt out half the time. Have I been really mean to you?"

Harry smiled and looked down at the floor. Shook his head slightly "Oh... it hasn't been that bad... I'm just glad that it's not personal."

Louis shook his head eagerly "No, absolutely not, like I said, ask my mom, she has been so mad at me because I have been a real sourpuss to my super chatty sisters. I'm not mad at you at all, ever, my brain just takes some extra long time to wake up in the morning. Sorry!"

Harry had put his arms around Louis and hugged him. "Don't worry. I'll give you more space."

 

...

 

It was half past ten in the morning. Harry and Louis sat together at the little table in their kitchen, they had just woken up. Harry carefully sipped on a cup of tea, while Louis were quickly downing his hot drink and got up to pour more from the kettle on the stove. 

Harry was a morning person and liked to sit at the breakfast table and chat during the meal, but Louis little attribute had made him learn to appreciate silence as well. He looked at his wristwatch. In about half an hour he would meet Niall for a shopping spree, and after that, all five of them had countless hours in front of them to go through the plans and practice for this week's finale.

Neither Harry or Louis had said more than good morning. Harry thought their kissing yesterday would need to be discussed, but the silence was quite comfortable. A few glances, like those with timid smiles shared at the previous evening's toothbrushing, had been exchanged, but nothing more than that. Harry was very glad that nothing felt weird between them, but at the same time he was a little bit confused about that... well, that nothing felt weird between them.

Shouldn't it feel a little different? He had after all... kissed his best friend yesterday. Shouldn't it feel different, given that he had grabbed hold of Louis so hard that he had fallen over him? Something between them should really feel different, since they had rubbed their very hard crotches against each other. Or? No?

Harry glanced at Louis. He stared out in the thin air, thoughts far away. His usual morning gaze. 'Do not try to get into Louis' morning thoughts, it will only end up with you having an angry lion in front of you.' Harry thought, and smiled down at his teacup. He decided to at least start to worry about the lack of weird emotions until they had spoken more than two words to each other. He shoved in his last pile of scrambled eggs to his mouth before he got up to make himself ready for meeting Niall.

...

 

The shopping went well. Rehearsals with the group went well. The pizzas they enjoyed in Zayn's small apartment were very much appreciated, the five of them had been really hungry.

The clock ticked away and suddenly it was a late night. Suddenly the pizza cartons was emptied, Suddenly Niall stood up to go home, Liam as well, and Harry and Louis made their way back home. 

They ended up on the couch watching a movie. Louis in his corner, Harry next to him. They still hadn't talked about last night, and Harry felt a little nervous. He was worried that Louis just thought it had been fun with a bit of snogging, and then went on with his life, while Harry for every hour that had passed during the day, fell deeper and deeper for his friend. His feelings for his friend had flared up like wildfire and every glance, every smile, every touch Louis gave him, made his knees weak. 

But now. Harry almost wanted to cry. It was like nothing had happened. Louis talked and joked and behaved as usual, he was even extra talkative, it was like he was completely unaffected. The banters flew back and forth, he pointed out everything that happened in the movie they were watching, and Harry began to get annoyed. He could at least get to watch a movie without all that happened being commented 20 times. He knew that Louis gladly talked during movies, he had become used to it by now, but with his current wounded emotional state, it was frustrating that Louis couldn't be quiet, and additionally seemed to have increased the rate of outgoing jokes by 200%.

An hour into the movie Louis fell silent. At last, Harry thought. He was curious about the end but had found it difficult to keep up with the story because of all the chatting from Louis. Now he finally got a chance to try to grasp itt all and think about how relationships and events fit together. He leaned forward and took a few sips from his soda glass on the table in front of him, and then leaned back on the couch again.

Still no word from Louis side. Harry caught himself missing his voice, but reminded himself that it was exactly what he had been longing for during the past hour.

The movie went on and at last Harry understood it. The silence in the room was somehow very prominent now, despite all the sound that was constantly heard from the tv and Harry were just thinking of ogle just quickly at Louis to see if he had gone to sleep, when he felt something on his hand. Or, actually it was an exaggeration. He felt a light, so very light, touch on a tiny little area of the upper side of his hand. In the corner of his eye - he kept his eyes firmly on the TV not to show Louis that he reacted to this - he saw that Louis had put his hand right next to Harry's and now let his pinky rest lightly against Harry.

Harry waved away all hope that it was deliberate. It was probably nothing more than an unconscious placement of his hand. Yes, they had kissed yesterday. No, it was no big deal. Yes, Harry was in a terrible state of probably falling deeply in love with his friend within just hours. No, Louis did not feel quite the same.

The movie, the movie, the movie, Harry reminded himself. Now focus on the movie. Enjoy this little touch you get, but focus on the movie.

The reminder left Harry's mind in a hurry when Louis began to caress Harry's hand with his finger. Tiny tiny movements, so very careful, but it was like Harry was thrown back in time 24 hours. His heart skipped a beat and all he had tried to understand about the movie suddenly went out of his mind, he didn't even know what movie they were watching. He stared straight forward with glazed eyes. What was he supposed to do now? Was it acceptable to just sit like a fool and stare off into space while he enjoyed the touch that covered a surface as big as two fingertips of his body? Or was it a behaviour associated with a crazy person?

Harry wondered if he was becoming insane. Would there be some sort of replay of last night, and it would continue that way during all his remaining days left in his life, until he died heartbroken and frustrated 80 years later? Harry was seriously worried about it, until Louis put his whole hand over Harry's and quietly said his name, so quiet that it almost sounded like he whispered it.

Harry dared to turn his head towards his friend, who looked at him with a cautious smile.

"Hi." Louis said.

Harry's stomach was filled with butterflies and he had to politely but firmly ask them to calm down before he dared to churn out a "hi." back.

"I haven't said anything about yesterday all day..." Louis began to explain. "I haven't known what to say. I didn't know if you took it seriously or not..."

Harry said nothing, just continued to look at Louis and feel the touch of his hand. Louis palm felt warm and a little sweaty. Harry wondered if Louis was perhaps nervous? Like he was?

"You haven't said anything either..." Louis continued and then trailed off to leave room for Harry to maybe explain why.

Harry shook his head. Quietly murmured "I didn't think you wanted to talk about it... just thought I'd forget about it... that it was just one night and nothing more..."

Louis grip on Harry's hand tightened. "But Harry!" Louis exclaimed and leaned forward to look into Harry's eyes. "Did you think it was just for one night? But... No... Harry... No!"

Harry nervously glanced back at Louis. "No?" he said with a thin voice.

Louis shook his head vigorously. "No. If you want to, I want to... continue this..."

Harry felt himself blush and he nodded quickly, gaze in his lap. Louis searched his eyes again, bent almost double as he sat beside him on the couch, forcing Harry to look at him. "Hey... look at me..." he begged.

Harry forced himself to look at his friend. He glanced over to him and nodded gently. He didn't want Louis to see how nervous and insecure he was, while he felt throughout his whole body that it was with specifically Louis he could show exactly how nervous and insecure he was. Only with Louis, he felt that he could let go of all kinds of facades he put up, and he felt himself dare to relax more and more as he sat on the sofa with Louis' eyes fixed on him. He absolutely trusted the other lads in the band. But, not just as much as he could Louis. 

He dared to look at him now, straight at his friend.

"Can I kiss you again?" Louis asked.

Harry nodded, felt that he lit up, that it must be showing so clearly how happy he was, and he felt a fragment of embarrassment of his reaction, but dropped the idea of it quickly. It was Louis. He deserved to observe every kind of emotion Harry felt towards him. What else was the point in being in love with someone, if you could not be yourself, show how you really feel? Harry wasn't even sure if Louis had the same feelings for him as Harry had, but he dared to afford to go honest into this.

Louis leaned forward and their lips met. Harry felt a calmness spread in his body and he loved the feeling of how incredibly right it felt. It however wasn't long before the calm was replaced with a more hot-blooded feeling and Harry demanded more, more of Louis. Again he pulled a hold of him, and again they fell down on the sofa, Louis on top of Harry. No teeth slammed into each other this time, they quickly broke the kiss and they both turned their heads to the side when they thundered down on the cushions.

So they kissed again, Louis on top of Harry, legs comfortably positioned between Harry's parted. Hungry lips, caressing tongues, eyes closed shut of enjoyment. Hands grabbing hair, stroking neck, arms, back. Hips that slowly began to meet each other, breathing that became more and more laboured. Every now and then a small moan slipped out of Harry. The very first times that happened, he stiffened a little, worried about how eager he must sound, but when he noticed that Louis kissed him more desirous then, he relaxed. He liked to feel that he could affect Louis that way. He wanted to affect Louis, and if he did so only by allowing spontaneous moans escape his mouth, he could happily let that happen.

The evening continued this way. The movie ended without any of them realizing it. Darkness fell outside their windows, nor was it something the two noticed. The kisses became more and more heated, hands shyly found their ways in under sweaters, and laboured breathing increased. Hips helped hard crotches finding friction against each other and two hearts were pounding heavily when Louis also this evening broke the kisses and lay down beside Harry with his hand over his chest as if to calm himself down.

"Time to go to sleep." he declared firmly and jumped up off the couch. Harry remained there, listening to Louis making his way through the small apartment, into the bathroom and started to brush his teeth. Harry didn't understand why Louis had interrupted their amazing kisses this night as well. A small part of him wondered however, if Louis was disgruntled with Harry's kisses, if he might be disappointed... well, by his technique or something like that... but he calmed down quickly by reminding himself that he actually trusted Louis. He trusted him about anything, to a hundred percent. Probably his friend just wanted to take things slow. Harry was grateful for that, for he was not very used to this all making out, getting all worked up, type of things... He didn't really know how experienced Louis was... he knew that he had just recently broke up with a girlfriend, but nothing more than that. But he was 19, Harry was confident that Louis took sensible decisions regarding them both.

He got up and went to the bathroom. Louis smiled at him in the mirror with toothpaste-foam around his mouth, and Harry couldn't help but smile big. He looked at his own reflection in the mirror and half expected to see hearts falling out of his ears or something like that, but he actually looked pretty normal. Apart to a little flushed cheeks. 

...

They fell asleep together again.

...

The next night was the same.

And the next. And the next.

...

And the next.

...

It was getting frustrating, to enjoy so much of Louis' kisses and closeness and just when he really, like REALLY started enjoying it, Louis would always take it to an end. Harry had lost count of how often he had locked himself in the bathroom to relieve a little tension since he and Louis began with their late snogging sessions. He guessed that Louis had noticed it, but if he had, he didn't say anything.

...

 

It was evening again. Four weeks had passed. Four weeks filled with hungry eyes when they were together with the others, and kisses and eager hands when they were alone. They had stopped putting a movie in the dvd-player as some kind of excuse to spend the evenings together on the sofa, it just felt overworked. They used to tear off their shoes and jackets in the hallway, not even Harry hung up his jacket now even though he always used to nag at Louis for not doing it, and then they would throw themselves on the sofa, frustrated after a full day without having been able to touch as much as the wanted to. They had a feeling that the others had begun to suspect something, especially as they the last couple nights had declined both game nights and cinema with the other, but that was nothing they cared very much about.

They were almost always thinking about each other, and the evenings were what they looked forward to. Evenings together on the sofa in the small shared apartment.

They were laying down again. Louis had been placed under Harry several nights in a row now, he loved his friend's eager hip movements against him, he was like a happy little puppy who was out in the snow for the first time, while at the same time he was like some sort of lovesick cat who couldn't rub enough against the first resistance he'd spot.

Louis felt that it was time to round off this evening too. He didn't want it, oh God, it was the last thing he wanted! ... but it was time. He felt that he was just too excited now, felt how it started to give him chills all over, he wanted to let his fingers and hands to get an outlet for the sexual frustration, he wanted to let his body make marks on Harry's body, so it was obviously time to end this evening.

He was breathing heavy with arousal as he was laying tucked under his beautiful friend, his beautiful innocent friend, and with a great mental effort he rolled Harry of him and sat up.

"Time to go to sl- " was all he with forced cheerfulness in his voice had time to say before Harry threw his arms around him and pulled him over himself, back down to the sofa.

"No!" Harry said firmly. "No, not again, I can't do this anymore! You always cuts it off when it is at its best, I don't want you to, I want to continue. Please, give me more, please, please..."

Louis stared at Harry laying under him, and there were those deer eyes again. Louis groaned and shut his eyes. He wanted to continue... oh how he wanted to continue... but he was so afraid to scare Harry. How would he ever be able to explain to this innocent boy he longed to cause him pain? How could he ever raise the subject that he wants to put marks on his body, marks that would show for several days and slowly fade, so that they day after day, both will be reminded of what they enjoyed together? How could he ever bring up to Harry, beautiful and untouched Harry, that he want to see him tightly pressed into the mattress, that he want to see tears flowing from his eyes, tears sprung from the fine line between pleasure and pain, or that he want to hear him moan from the feeling Louis teeth are giving him when they are just millimeters from going through his soft skin? 

Louis kept his eyes closed, he couldn't bare Harry's gaze on him. He had brought this up with his ex girlfriend. She had tried to go along with it, had tried to give him of herself, tried to enjoy his tight grip on her wrists, his teeth against her skin, how his lips slowly sucked bruises on her hips. But she couldn't. And he had not been able to resist. They had split up. Louis, however, rested secure in the belief that it would've come to an end eventually anyway, but this had sadly been a big reason for their break up.

He slowly opened his eyes again. Harry looked anxiously at him as he was laying back at the cushions and Louis saw that he was looking for a quiet explanation in Louis eyes. Louis couldn't give him any. This required words. This was not something one could assume or guess or understand just like that. This required a serious conversation and Louis weren't ready to have that yet. For he was worried that Harry, once he found out about this morbid side of him, would break up the start of something that could be so good. He wasn't ready for it. He'd rather try running away from this part of his personality. It could be worthwhile. He was so incredibly in love with Harry. It was worth it. It was. He told himself. It was worth it.

And they kissed again.

...

It was Harry who interrupted their kisses that evening. It was just too late and he knew that they had an early morning ahead of hem. They lay down to sleep together after their usual evening routine of brushing teeth and smile to each other in front of the mirror in the bathroom and Louis were so incredibly happy that the evening had gone well. They had kissed a lot, touching each other a lot, letting cool fingertips find their way in under clothes and he had behaved quite normally. Certainly his dominant side tried to take a step forward, but he had successfully pressed aside even the slightest impulse to touch Harry roughly and he was thinking to himself just before he fell asleep, "This will go well. With Harry, I don't need to do this. With Harry, it is enough to just get soft kisses and at the most severe, enjoying impacts of the hips. It is enough this way..."

...

 

The next evening they lay on the sofa again. Of course. Their new favourite hobby. Harry smiled a radiant smile as he fell back against the pillows and embraced Louis with both arms and legs. Their lips met and they both breathed a deep sigh. It was a soft, romantic atmosphere in the room and Louis heard a little voice inside him whispering, 'You are in love Lou... you are so in love... oh my god you are so much in love... ' and Louis tried to stop the smile that spread when he realized it. Yes, oh God... he was so terribly in love with this boy and he felt the happiness spread through his body.

Harry's right hand found the back of Louis t-shirt while they lightly tasted each other's lips again, let a finger in under the fabric and he easily let it follow the curvation of Louis lower back, up over the middle of his back and up between the shoulders, to lightly caress his neck before the turning and follow the same track down again. It sent shivers of pleasure all over Louis's body and he gasped at the sudden impulse of having to bury his teeth into Harry's soft lips. He steeled himself and let the kisses stay soft, his touch in Harry's hair easy and smooth, and hip movements that met Harry's was controlled and steady.

'I can do this. I can do this. I don't need to control him, I don't need to see him getting wrecked under me, I don't need to put marks on his body.' he thought feverishly to himself. 'I don't need this, he and I can work without this...'

Kisses continued. Hips met hips and he heard Harry gasping under him and it felt like Louis skin glowed and burned from head to toe. He forgot everything that didn't have to do with Harry, his whole head was filled with Harry, Harry, Harry, and he felt that the desperate search for friction was equally desperate from Harry's side. His kisses searched deep into Harry's mouth and Harry moaned softly in between his lips. The fingers of Louis' right hand stroked Harry's arm and Louis wanted more, more, more.

Suddenly, the boy whimpered under him and Louis froze, all movements stilled. This was nothing like the sweet little moans that periodically had reached Louis ears during all those nights they had had together, it was something else. He suddenly became terrified, and realized half a second later what had happened. In a sudden, he released the grip on Harry's upper arm. He looked down at the white skin. A red mark after his thumb slowly appeared in front of his eyes.

It felt like his heart fell into his stomach. As his whole inner froze. That he could never ever look Harry in the eye again.

"I am sorry..." he whispered as he carefully let his thumb caress the area around the red mark. "I am so sorry, I... I got so carried away..."

He leaned forward and gently blew a soft puff of air on the mark. A soft groan were heard from Harry and Louis looked at him confused. Was that a groan? Or is he just incredibly sensitive, and found that even a soft airstream hurt?

He hated himself. Hated this side of him, hated that this side had made its way trough even though it had gone so well without it. It had gone so well with soft kisses and light fingers, yet he had allowed himself to hurt Harry, hadn’t been able to stop himself. He wanted to get up and leave, but even more he wanted to stay to take care of Harry.

"I'm sorry..." he murmured again. "It won't happen again. This is unforgivable, but... I promise it won't happen again..." he tried to reassure his friend. He looked down at the mark, bright red now. It was beautiful. In his eyes it was so beautiful, but he felt a lump in his throat, this would obviously bruise and he wanted to turn back time, wanted to erase this clear evidence of his desire, that for normal people was nothing but a sign of something negative, something wrong. He hated himself, hated hated hated himself, because his already hard cock were pulsating even harder now, he wanted to desperately seek friction of the sight of the mark he had made, but he kept quiet. It was bad enough that he had hurt Harry, he couldn't allow himself to get turned on by it.

Harry inhaled, a shaky breath. Louis wanted to caress his curls on his forehead with gentle fingers, while he also wanted to make more marks, creating more red areas to enjoy for days to come. He felt sick to his desire, would never let himself forget this, the evening when he hurt his friend and probably destroyed all the beauty they had built up.

"Again..." Harry breathed between lips clearly swollen by the evening's kisses. "...do it again..."

Louis wondered what he meant. Harry's eyes were dark and begging. "Do it again... like... like that, hard like that... " Harry tried to explain, but had difficulty getting the words out, to find any logic. His breaths was still shaky.

Louis hoped, oh God, he hoped that Harry meant what he thought he meant... but he was surely hoping for too much?

But what could it be if not that? What would he want Louis to do again? Hard like what?

He must have looked as confused as he felt, because all of a sudden, Harry took Loui's hand in his and brought it up to his upper arm. Louis leaned unsteadily on his left arm above his friend and hardly dared to breathe when he saw his hand placed on Harry's arm again. The thumb just below the red mark.

Harry's clear eyes said everything Louis hoped for. This was possible to say without words. Clearly it was possible to say without words.

Harry nodded once. Then he said, "Again." and nothing more were needed now, for Louis to firmly grasp his hand on Harry's arm, in a second letting his lips meet Harry's and make the interrupted snogging moment into something fiery, sweaty, rough. Harry groaned under him as he had never done before, and Louis felt as though a tornado had rushed into him, everything was spinning, he heard a whizz by the head, it felt like he was thrown into space and ripped back again. He closed his eyes and saw red stars dancing, burnt into his eyelids while thrusting hard into Harry.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Thank you for reading this fic all through to the end! And I'm sorry, but I fucked up. I started uploading chapters before this was at all finished, and it all just ended with a frustrated me, drowning in loose ends and a whirlwind of ideas and it just didn't work out for me... 
> 
> I want my fics to keep the same mood from the start to the beginning, and this started out fluffy and nervous, and took an unexpected turn, to the pain-things... 
> 
> So - dear Larryshippers, I'm ending this one now, but I will write a sequel, and it will contain nothing but Louis and Harry and pain and smut. 
> 
> Take care, sweet people! :)


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